As I begin this blog, my life is in a stage of upheaval. Health, relationships, general direction in life. Everything is falling apart now so I can build it up better afterwards.
Most of it was triggered by a conversation with my psychiatrist. I had spent some time describing how my general autisticness made life difficult so long as there was another person in the room and generally getting down on myself, and he interrupted saying, “but you actually like yourself”.
It’s true. I do like myself… but I had the impression that I shouldn’t, because I’m “different” and “awkward” (whatever they mean), because my every idiosyncrasy seemed to annoy or upset my boyfriend.
So, I’ve been slowly building up to the point where I think it’s mostly ok to think that I’m actually pretty cool. I’m hoping that by blogging about it, I can help other people to like themselves too.
(I’ll warn any of you attempting this that openly liking yourself can cause tension in relationships where your partner was previously reinforcing (or causing) your lack of self esteem. I think that’s probably for the best — if they can’t appreciate your true self then they don’t deserve you (I am keenly aware that this is a lot easier to write than internalise).)